Wednesday, July 15, 2015

“The General’s Statement” by Richard F. Yates

The General took the podium amidst a low rumble from the crowd. He shuffled through a stack of papers then cleared his throat.
“Ladies and gentlemen of the press, we do have a prepared statement regarding the rumors currently running rampant about the mishap at Fort Noxious Naval Base in Boring, Oregon. Four nights ago, a half dozen test subjects were able to escape their enclosures due to a malfunction in the facility’s wiring.”

A swell of murmuring and grumbles erupted from the crowd. The General raised his hands to still the voices then continued.

“Of the subjects that escaped, four were rabbits, one was a hamster, and the last, a pigeon. Rumors that the creatures were mutated at the facility through atomic exposure are completely false. I repeat: the creatures are in no way radioactive.”

The General looked out over the audience with his most penetrating glare. No one challenged him on the “atomic mutants” point, so he returned to his statement.

“The subjects are not considered dangerous at this time. Though they have been ‘modified’ with some electronic enhancements, the country’s leading animal psychologists and a world-renowned pet psychic all agree that the animals will most likely make for their natural habitats and proceed to live normal, animal lives until dying of natural causes within a year or two. Though we do have a team currently searching for the animals in order to the complete the research projects they are involved in, all of the experts agree that we have no reason to believe the creatures are in any way dangerous, and we assure you that there is no cause for concern or alarm at this time. Thank you.”

The General stepped down from the podium, ignoring the barrage of questions flying his way, and walked off the stage.
Four days later: THE END
---Richard F. Yates
[Originally publish 5 Mar. 2015 at VERY VERY VERY SHORT STORIES]

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